Monday, September 28, 2009

A List of Things I Saw Yesterday at the Folsom Street Fair (NSFW)

Last week it seemed everyone in the bars and clubs I went to was talking up Folsom Street Fair as if it were Sodom and Gomorrah itself.

"It's the biggest event in San Fran," one stranger assured me, "bigger than Halloween, bigger than Pride!"

I was told to expect Mardis Gras with less drink and more kink. Over and over again I heard, "You can't imagine the stuff that goes on there!" "The most outrageous thing you'll ever see" "You'll be totally shocked." I kind of shrugged these comments off, but upon entering the fair yesterday I was chastened.

Apparently you're never so worldly you can't find displays of perversity to flip your wig. Below are a list of things I saw yesterday as I walked around Folsom Street Fair with some pictures (be forewarned NOT SAFE FOR WORK):

  • A furry Piglet riding a furry Winnie the Pooh

  • One leather Daddy whipping three guys at once

  • A completely naked hermaphrodite, bound in rope, being flogged*

  • A game of Twister played by jock-strap wearing twinks to raise money for "Healthcare for Whores."

  • A late thirty-something woman who looked like she just stepped out of the suburbs in her white Keds, modest denim jeans and baby blue tank top, giggling unstoppably as she posed with an incredibly ripped guy wearing only a cock ring around one of the largest flaccid penises I've ever seen.

  • The San Francisco Department of Public Health booth that featured a game in which contestants tried to hurl mini-foam penises through a cartoon's asshole (this would not have flown at the Boston Public Health Commission).

  • A masked man with a super hot body and a massive schlong masturbating out of a third story window as the crowd below cheered him on until he came, showering ejaculate onto the crowd below (luckily I was out of splatter range).

  • "Fetish Tot" dolls (pics here, NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART)

  • Guys in dog bondage gear with leather "paws" over their hands and feet and butt-plug tail accessories (that I swore I saw wag).

  • A booth that was dedicated to helping circumcised men "restore" their foreskin through a process of weights, stretchers, and straps. Also on display at the same table, an artifical foreskin that promises "Natural dekeratinization of the glans (thinning of the existing calloused skin)" and " A feeling of warmth, security and self-esteem" (Sounds like Prozac to me).

  • A guy on a leash laying on his back on the sidewalk as his master offered to let passers-by spit in his mouth.

  • What appeared to be three sorrority girls being whipped within an inch of their Prada by some random dude with a riding crop.

  • A plump woman with pig-tails wearing a pink sun-dress and pink vinyl boots sitting on the sidewalk licking a phallic lolly...

and then...looking to either side...
grinning mischeviously...spreading her legs...
and then...

Ah, San Francisco is there anything you WON'T do?

*This is the second naked hermaphrodite I have seen this summer.

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